First I’d like to let you know that this sequel has nothing to do with the first Silent Night, Deadly Night. We watched this as a stand alone film. Perhaps because of that we all tended to see this movie in a different light.
The movie starts with a mysterious Christmas gift appearing for a young boy named Derek. Just when he is about to open the mysterious gift, a dude that feels like a stepdad or bitchy mom’s boyfriend yells at him. Takes the toy and lectures about opening the door and taking stuff. Just then the weird Pokeball gift pops up a Santa head and some arms and starts attacking the angry father figure. Derek witnesses his faux dad's’ murder.
TWO WEEKS LATER a traumatized Derek sees a commercial for the Pokeball face hugger and starts to freak out. His nervous but flippant mother tries to shut him up by taking him to (I kid you not) Joe Petto’s Toy Store! There an old man Mickey Rooney tries to kind of comfort Derek and agrees to make him a very special toy. Just then Pino, Joe Petto’s son (do you see it? Yup!) enters the shop and starts acting mad creepy and weird toward Derek and his Mom. When the family leaves, Joe Petto has a very weird fight, not realizing a mysterious stranger was inside the store still shopping. How embarrassing. When the stranger buys a bunch of crap and leaves, Joe Petto and Pino continue they’re weird epic fight.
We follow the Stranger to a sad apartment where he is surrounded by toys. He is interrupted by his landlord who says his rent check bounced, get to steppin! The Stranger says he gets paid in the morning and he’ll cover the bounced check. Not good enough. The Stranger offers to give the landlord a killer toy for his kid for Christmas, plus cover the rent the next morning. The landlord agrees and is handed Larry the Larvae, a creepy worm toy. Cut to the landlord driving home. He takes out the toy and makes sure it works, laughs and starts to mess with it. Suddenly the toy won’t turn off. It starts tasing and murdering the landlord. The car hilariously drives off the road and just randomly explodes on the side of the road. Up to 2 hilarious death scenes now.
Clint Howard makes a fun cameo as a mall Santa coworker to the Stranger. Stranger is also a mall Santa trying to get out there in time to see Derek tell him what he wants for Christmas. It gets weird and stalker like.
At the same damn time - Pino is also stalking the mother and Derek. He breaks into their house and does weird stuff in Derek’s room. Guess who comes home to catch creepy Pino in her house. In what seems like the mildest reaction ever to I caught your creepy kid in my house. Joe Petto tells her that in better time, he and his son lived in their house. That Pino never wanted to leave that house and he misses it. They just fell on bad times. When the mom leaves, Joe goes to their apartment above (or below the store? Not sure.) and then beats the ever loving shit out of Pino while drunk out of his mind, seemingly leaving Pino for dead.
Neighborhood kids begin using their evil toys. A very 90s dressed skater kid donning neon yellow leopard print pants gets a pair of killer roller blades. In another hilarious scene the kid is taken over by the sparking blades and skates himself right into a car. Don’t worry, he and his pants are fine. Simultaneously, Derek goes all HAM and beats the crap out of the Santa face eater toy.
The Stranger is soon on Derek’s doorstep and tries to give him a gift, but Derek’s babysitter, not recognizing him, shuts him the fuck down. Stranger danger, no way Jose! What she needs is a big strong man with her, and just like that, there is her jock boyfriend, and he is down to fuck in the kids room.
As the babysitter is getting laid, Derek’s mom is being stalked by the Stranger. But as it turns out, he is no stranger at all! His name is Noah. He is a former lover and dun dun DUN! He is Derek’s biological father. (Booyah! That first dude was just a bitch ass mom boyfriend!) Turns out she got preggers in college just when he joined the military and she never bothered to tell him. Derek’s mom goes from being super scared to super horny and tries to bang it out in the parking lot she thought she was about to be murdered in. What a twist!
Now there is this weird intercut sex scene that switches back and forth to the babysitter and her boyfriend, and the mom and Stranger / Noah / Daddy. It’s a little weird and confusing, but campy as all get out! Suddenly we see Derek WATCHING his baby sitter go at it. THEN Mickey Rooney / Joe Petto in a Santa suit with a ton of toys. Killer toys! And they’re aimed for our babysitter and her boyfriend. Right before they are destroyed by toys we find out her boyfriend is totally into the butt stuff. Mickey / Santa kidnaps pervy Derek. The death scene for the fated couple seems to last forever, but is kind of hilarious in it’s own cheesy right.
Derek’s mom and newly found dad come home to find the babysitter still kicking and tells them what happens. They head to Joe Petto’s and find his house booby trapped with evil toys. They split up to search for Derek.
In the biggest weirdest twist of all, turns out PINO never died! He is actually a robot. His dad, Joe Petto always wanted a real live boy and made Pino. Get it, Pinocchio? Pino couldn’t stand getting beat by his drunk Dad any longer and killed his maker. Then created a new robotic face and a convincing fat suit costume, and paraded around as the living Joe Petto. He had been stalking Derek’s MOM the whole time. He thought she was kind of hot and wanted her to be his sexy Mommy. And before you can say Pinocchio, he holds her down and tries to fuck her with his Ken doll crotch asking if he can be her son! WHAT!!!! I know! Stop reading this and immediately find it and watch it. Like yeah, they find Derek, everything is fine. But Pino - OMG watch it! It’s so fucking bad, it’s awesome!
Watching this as a stand alone movie made all the difference. If I had watched this as part of the series I think this would have been disappointing. I believe that is the overall consensus among fans of the Silent Night, Deadly Night series. But I see I hysterically bad, tongue in cheek movie that is worth the watch. I also think Mickey Rooney knew exactly what movie he was in and was totally down for the camp. Me too, Mickey.
I’d like to end with Ty’s only note on this film while we were watching: This is Mickey Rooney’s best work.
Here’s the breakdown:
The best part - HILARIOUS death scenes
Mickey Rooney
Really original schlock
The worst parts- The Pinocchio thing
Jill - 4 Plisskens Ty - 4 Plisskens Matt - 4 Plisskens
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