Monday, February 25, 2019

BONUS! Monday Mini-Review - Alien 3000 (2004)



One of the worst movies the Plisskens have seen yet, Alien 3000 is just a steaming trash pile. Find out why!

The first big moment of the movie starts with a  CGI dirt landslide - it literally just suffocates you with horrible, annoying screaming and bickering characters. It sets a precedence for awful editing and effects.


On top of this, the viewer is assaulted with a bait and switch with our stars. Hey, “Renegade” Lorenzo Lamas and Priscilla Barnes are in it, can’t be all that bad. Well - they are barely in it! You literally can’t see them anywhere. When you do, they’re mostly shrouded in darkness by the bad lighting. Poor Priscilla Barnes gets close-ups in the dark with the only light in the shot highlighting her wrinkles. Also, a surprising appearance by Scott Schwartz, who you may remember as the child star from The Toy, who later did some porn. He should…. maybe reconsider going back to adult entertainment…..

Once you realize you can’t see them and you have to watch a gaggle of lame Predator knock-off characters, you’ll want to shut this off immediately. Get off our screen!
The final insult - turns out that Alien 3000 isn’t a stand-alone movie. It always has a feel like you’re missing something. Or details have been omitted that explains more about who everyone is. Turns out the original title is Unseen Evil 2. It's A FUCKING SEQUEL! It was renamed, most likely because they didn’t make any money the first time around.


This should have been called Avoid 3000.



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